The Pudge Report - June 6, 2024

I’ve got kids, and the bathroom is my solace.

And while I’m solacing I don’t want to have to turn my phone sideways or click on something to see it better or pinch the screen to zoom in or out. I just want to use one thumb to scroll, that’s it.

If that sounds like you then this newsletter is for you.

Two Grumpy Boomers Yell at Crypto 

In a classic display of boomer angst, Jim Cramer and SEC Chair Gary Gensler sat down to bash the latest in crypto ETF approvals. Cramer, rattling off tokens like a kid naming his favorite Pokémon, grilled Gensler on why we don’t have ETFs for SushiSwap ($SUSHI), BONK ($BONK), and Osmosis ($OSM). Gensler shot back his normal, ‘uh, durrrrrr these tokens are unregistered securities’ and slammed crypto exchanges for their shady practices. Meanwhile, Cramer, never missing a chance to predict Bitcoin’s ($BTC) demise, warned of a looming selloff.
Full story here.

Robinhood Bets $200M on Crypto: Genius or Just Desperate?

Robinhood’s ($HOOD) latest gamble involves dropping a cool $200 million to acquire Bitstamp, marking its largest foray into the crypto abyss yet. They’re obviously getting ready to take on the big guns like Binance ($BNB) and Coinbase ($COIN)—because clearly, the stock trading gig wasn’t stressful enough. The deal is expected to finalize in 2025. 🤑
Read it here.

Billionaires Betting Big on Bitcoin ETFs: Genius Move or Desperate Hail Mary?

Wall Street’s elite are throwing their cash at a new Bitcoin ETF, supposedly set to skyrocket by up to 5,400%, because who needs caution when you have billions to burn? These ETFs offer a way to buy Bitcoin without dealing with the pesky crypto exchanges, which apparently is too much effort for the average billionaire. Meanwhile, BlackRock and Fidelity are raking in the dough from these funds, proving once again that the rich get richer. 💸
Full story here.

AI’s New Best Friend: Crypto Miners, Apparently

Crypto miners are now the belle of the ball for AI companies desperate for data center space, turning a once niche operation into a hot commodity. Core Scientific's ($CORZ) execs are being hounded by tech giants, all thanks to their unused mining facilities that are perfect for AI needs. In a twist of fate, AI's hunger for data centers is driving up the value of companies like Core Scientific, who are laughing all the way to the bank. 🤖
Bloomberg has the full story.

Biden Veto Ignites Crypto Advocacy Group's Membership Surge

Crypto fans are rallying behind 'Stand with Crypto,' a group now boasting over 1 million members, thanks to Biden’s recent veto against crypto-friendly legislation. Coinbase’s CEO Brian Armstrong highlights the group's potential political clout, as they gear up to support pro-crypto candidates and squash regulatory killjoys. With significant donations from industry giants like Ripple and Andreessen Horowitz, this group isn't playing around. 🚀
Reuters has the full story.

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Ripple President Slams SEC's 'Warpath' on Crypto

Ripple ($XRP) President Monica Long isn’t holding back, calling out the SEC’s heavy-handed regulation approach, branding it a "warpath" against crypto. At the Money20/20 conference, she emphasized that setting rules through enforcement is a dead-end strategy, echoing the frustrations of many in the industry. As Ripple and other crypto firms bolster political campaigns to push for friendlier regulations, Long remains cautiously optimistic. ⚔️
Bitcoin.com has more.

Deutsche Bank's Cautious Crypto Tango with Bitpanda

Deutsche Bank ($DB) is dipping its toes into crypto by partnering with Bitpanda to facilitate customer deposits and withdrawals. Despite the crypto industry's banking struggles, Deutsche is playing it safe, only teaming up with firms that meet their stringent compliance standards. It’s a hesitant yet notable step towards mainstream financial acceptance of crypto operations. 🏦
Read the full story.

Trump's Crypto Stash: From Disaster to $20 Million Jackpot

Donald Trump’s crypto portfolio just hit over $20 million, thanks to some clever memecoin gifts and NFTs, despite his past disdain for digital currencies. This windfall includes holdings in memecoins like MAGA Coin and Trog, proving that even a former president can score big in the crypto lottery. Whether Trump can cash out without tanking the market remains to be seen, but for now, he's sitting pretty. 💰
Full story here.